What would you do

what would you do
if i told you i loved you
i told you that ever decision i make
is made for you
if every breath i take, is also a breath for you
if every prayer i pray, i pray for you
if every tear i cried, was of my longing towards you
if every smile i smile, is from the rememberance of you
if my one and only weakness is the hug i embrace when i see you
what would you do if i said i want you
that every dream i dream, is about you
if every kiss i have with another person
is nothing compared to the kiss i'd feel if i were to kiss you

what would you do
if i died out of the blue
if i just fell to the floor
infront of your eyes
and your last memory of me
was the last breath i took
before i layed down and died
and you never got to say goodbye

Dubiety

mango scented lotion

vanilla conditioner 

aloe vera lip balm

ruby red nail polish

fitted black dress

red high heels

black eyeliner

and a beautiful smile

i remember this day so well

it was the day i met you

the day when all my pain 

seemed to have vanished

when i was in your presence

the day i promised to never 

forget you

your caramel colored skin 

complimented by your long kinky hair

all i could think of was your eyes

those eyes.

i could get lost in them for days 

in a midnight summer's haze

i could wake up in the morning 

and feel worthless 

and just look in your eyes and 

from that moment forth 

know i have a purpose

you were my life

but i was not yours

you had other options 

and i was one of many 

you hurt me so bad 

i promised to never love again

but somehow i couldn't forget you

the first time i said I loved you 

the first time we made love

the first time our lips were introduced to each other

all the memories we've share

our relationship was much more than an option 

it was real

and i refuse to move on 

believing you don't think about me every waking day.

so every single night,

i will write one memory of you 

to keep it clear in sight

i still need you. 

Got Some

got some unsaid words
i wish to say to you
some untold thoughts
thoughts i had of you
some pictures in my notebook
some poetry for you
some quotes of love
created from the simplest memory of you

got some prevented love
i have towards you
the smile i'd have if i were to kiss you
the sensational feeling i'd have inside myself
from the faintest touch the linger
when you brush yourbody
against me

The Spoon by Richard Jones

Some days I think I need nothing
more in life than a spoon.
With a spoon I can eat oatmeal
Or take the medicine doctors prescribe
I can swat a fly sleeping on the sill
or pound the table to get attention.
I can point accusingly at God
or stab the empty air repeatedly.
Looking into the spoonís mirror,
I can study my face in its shiny bowl,
or cover one eye to make half the world
disappear.  With a spoon
I can dig a tunnel to freedom
spoonful by spoonful of dirt,
or waste life catching moonlight
and flinging it into the blackest night.

Brief Writing

The vague smell of cookie dough overwhelms me, I urgently get out of bed and go down the stairs to see what's been prepared, last night was dark and full of regrets, but i'll never tell anyone about it, i'll never mention it to myself, i'll keep a smile on my face, i won't let anyone see these scars on my body, all the pain i've brought upon myself, once i reach the end of the steps i realize my arms aren't covered and run up the stairs to go get my cream colored wool sweater, it's hard to keep a secret when it's written all over your body, Once i finally get to the kitchen I greet Nadija "Morning beautiful" Nadija smiles, I love her smile, it's so alluring, "Morning babe, I made some chocolate chip cookies, you want one?" she asks me, without a reply i stretch my arm forward to collect a cookie, little did i know, i had left the fresh cut from yesterday bare on my palm, "What happened" said Nadija, "Oh, this pffh i was holding a wine bottle at the party and it fell and the glass cut my palm" Nadija nodded, I don't know how long i can keep this up, lying to her, i should tell her i thought, but twice as fast i knew what her reaction would be "i can help you" but no one really can,

He doesn't understand, I know what he's going through, and I don't want to help him, I'm just going to watch him, because i too am going through something similar, after we had finished our breakfast i went to the bathroom, i can't be fat, i don't want to be fat, and then it just happened, it always happens i mean, it's nothing new, Derek doesn't know about it, but it happens, i can't risk the pain of hearing my flaws through another person's mouth, and maybe Derek's love for me, Derek words, the words he says to me "Morning Beautiful" will be enough to make me stop, and just think, i'm beautifully and wonderfully made.

Imogen Poots

I saw an article on her on Teen Vogue, so i wrote down her name on a piece of paper, that was months ago, but now I've googled her, I think she is just so beautiful.

So, its 2 AM and i can't sleep.. nothing new.
I wish I had a cuddle buddy

Just some pictures I found

Nadija
Safiyah
Nila

I think these names are beautiful and if I in future have a child, these will definitely be names to consider

Misconception

behind every smile

is a teardrop

behind every lively person

is a dark past

behind every laugh

is a cry for help

behind every sleep

is a disturbing nightmare

and when i think of this

i think we never truly live life

we hide from it

and only those whom go insane

have really experienced life

they've gone through

pain

hurt

neglect 

mixed emotions

and they are all at hand

not hidden behind fake laughs

and smiles

we know no one truly

not even ourselves

overtime we say

he is my best friend

though somewhere deep inside you know it wont last

overtime we say 

i love you

though we know someday it could disappear

we go through life 

thinking we understand it

thinking we've reached 'nirvana'

when really

we haven't

we've only started

and once we take the time to realize that

and stop faking who we are

only then can we say we have lived life.

 

Don't know why, but I loved this, their relationship is amazing and something i definitely seek 

 

My older Sister Toyin, I love her. 

Wearing your heart on your sleeve has some obvious hazards- having your feelings hurt and falling in love easily. It makes good poetry though. So I say it's worth it

Kissing.

Judging from the way a good kiss makes you feel all giddy and tingly inside, you may have already known that kissing is great for you. But, bet you didn't know exactly why, did you? Kissing is a way of expressing love and affection, alongside hugs and "i love u" text messages. A passionate lip-lock could make a person of any age feel like a high-schooler falling in love for the first time. Kissing has many benefits, and this statement doesn't just come from an overly romantic mind; Science approves of kissing, and it tells us we should kiss more.

Good For Your Teeth

Okay, so you don't kiss with your teeth (or do you?!), but kissing could give you healthier teeth. The saliva produced during a hot session of kissing washes away the bacteria thriving in our teeth, which aids in the prevention of plaque buildup. Do you know who actually said this? A dentist named Matthew Messina, DDS, who also happens to be a consumer advisor for the American Dental Association.

Burns Calories

A really passionate kiss could burn 2 to 6 calories a minute and double a person's metabolic rate. If that doesn't seem a lot to you, well lounging on the bed by yourself and not burning extra calories doesn't sound like an attractive proposition either, does it?

Great Facial Service

Did you know that when you French kiss, you work out 30 of your facial muscles? Of course, many of you would rather have a flat tummy, but once you age and notice parts of your face sagging, you'd wish you kissed a lot more when you were younger.

Partner Compatibility Tool

Helen Fisher, PhD, a professor of Anthropology at Rutgers University in New Jersey, says that we learn a lot about a partner when kissing – even without having him fill up a bio-data form. Kissing isn't just two pairs of lips meeting; it allows us to touch a person, smell him, feel him, taste him, see how he feels about kissing you by gauging his facial expressions.

Gives you an Incredible High

If hippies knew they could get high just by kissing, maybe they'd have smoked less. Kissing releases dopamine and norepinephrine, two stimulants that are produced by our body. These hormones are responsible for giving you those weird non-stop smiles, that certain kind of rush, that nagging urge for you to yell or run or hug everyone around you.

Calms You Down

Kissing puts you in a state of high, but also does calm you down. The high occurs mostly in new relationships where kissing is a novel scenario. For people who've been with a partner long enough, kissing has calming effects. Imagine yourself stressed out after a long day at work, you come home, your lover plants a kiss on your lips, and you suddenly feel better. Why? Aside from the feeling of having someone who comforts you, kissing releases oxytocin, which is also known as a calming hormone.

Boosts Your Self-Esteem

Kissing, and all the emotions that come with the package, is good for your psychological health. It feels fantastic to be in love, or even just infatuated. Being with someone makes us feel extra 

(Found on Stumble)

Weird Obsession

I have this weird obsession towards this website, it's only been a day and i have about 20 pictures of these saved. I just love them, they remind me of my childhood in a way, maybe it's because of the font or the way in which everything is set up. 

P.S. This is the website. (http://www.abeautifulrevolution.com/)

Cleverbot

My chat with Cleverbot.

la la la la la, boredooom

I wish sometimes people would get to know me, maybe then i wouldn't be so lonely.
It hurts feeling alone sometimes, it hurts a lot.

Untitled

sometimes i go downstairs

and open the fridge

just to look inside

because i hope  something new will appear

sometimes i write letters

and rip them up later

because that's how i feel when someone

says they love me, then they leave me

sometimes i stand up 

and make up a song

because that's how my brain works

sometimes i cut my fingernails extra short

because i like the feel of pain 

everytime i touch something

sometimes i go to the park

and just sit there for a few hours

because i like to see children re-unite

sometimes i look at the screen 

and maybe see something i've never seen

because that's what i hope for in every person i meet

sometimes i paint my nails

then i clean the polish off

just because i like the way it feels 

on my fingers

sometimes i hum when people talk to me

so i can barely hear them

because i think that's what it would be like if 

i wore a hearing aid

sometimes i hold my breath

for as long as i can 

because at times i wish i was a fish 

sometimes i do things.

sometimes i don't.

This picture i sso nice it deserves to be shown more than once :D

A Quickie

you don't have to keep quiet

in a silent room

you don't have to smile 

if you don't want to

you don't have to laugh 

if it's not funny

you don't have to cry

if you aren't sad

don't let them fool you 

they're all mad

say what you feel

do what you please

show your emotion

it'll set you free

don't let them tell you 

what you can and can't do 

all of these options

are up to you. 

Hard Life with Memory by Wisława Szymborska

I found this on a website and I adore it, mainly because i can relate to the lady in which the male poet is referring to, because i more or less act in the same manner.

I’m a poor audience for my memory.
She wants me to attend her voice nonstop,
but I fidget, fuss,
listen and don’t,
step out, come back, then leave again.

She wants all my time and attention.
She’s got no problem when I sleep.
The day’s a different matter, which upsets her.

She thrusts old letters, snapshots at me eagerly,
stirs up events both important and un-,
turns my eyes to overlooked views,
peoples them with my dead.

In her stories I’m always younger.
Which is nice, but why always the same story.
Every mirror holds different news for me.

She gets angry when I shrug my shoulders.
And takes revenge by hauling out old errors,
weighty, but easily forgotten.
Looks into my eyes, checks my reaction.
Then comforts me, it could be worse.

She wants me to live only for her and with her.
Ideally in a dark, locked room,
but my plans still feature today’s sun,
clouds in progress, ongoing roads.

At times I get fed up with her.
I suggest a separation. From now to eternity.
Then she smiles at me with pity,
since she knows it would be the end of me too.

Sleep

wouldn't it be so sweet 

to wake up from your sleep

and be so content

so joyful and peaceful

not a complaint in my mind

just the happiness in which you lie in 

and the one you plan for the upcoming night

wouldn't it be so sweet

to wake up from your sleep

to be greeted by the warm air

next to your lover, cuddling without a care

hot herbal tea, as green as can be

perfectly toasted bread compliment by the honey 

that lays on the other side of the bed

wouldn't it be so sweet

if we all would just sleep

and think of happy thoughts

not a sprinkle of pain in thought

if we'd all just wake up

and lighten the room 

that once was so cold

from all the hurtful memories

we used to exude.

Effortless Beauty was established when Lana Del Ray was born. 

Deepest Feelings

I wanted to take the time and write down my deepest feelings, i've never attempted to share them with others in hope that they'd be able to relate to my situation one way or another, and if not, still be able to accept them. So urr. Right now i feel alone, though my sister is a short distance away i still feel alone. When i am in school i connect with people and conversate but in the end i still feel like only i know my true self and the reason why i am able to conversate with others is because they don't know the real me. Every day i'm down, i feel a smile force itself onto my face as i step into school boundaries because i know i won't be able to hold back that emotion the moment i hear "Are you okay?" I feel they ask as if it's such an easy question, when in reality.. it isn't it's one of the hardest questions I answer on a daily basis, and even if I am okay, that doesn't necessarily mean i am happy, it just means i've compromised, even though i'm smiling i'm close to tears, even though i'm laughing there is no life inside, because i'm falling apart inside. I've never known any other way to deal with my emotions then to hide them from myself, keep them in a far away distance at the deepest part of my brain. I felt and still feel that as far as i can create a wall between my emotions and my day to day life i can make myself believe i'm okay and in that, help people believe so too. I've learned to shield my emotions because the more attention i bring to it, the more aware i am of my loneliness and the blatant fact that i'm all alone in the sea of people.

I would like to introduce you all to my Husband; Frank Ocean

Recommendation

Little hell- City and Colour

Sky Ferreira - Animal

Come talk to me- Bpm Iver

1957- Milo Greene

Daughter- The Wild Youth EP

Summer Sadness- lana del ray 

baltimore- butterflies

crystalised

Doncamatic 4

this si what makes us girls- lana del ray

The Fray- Heartbeat

I can barely Say- The Fray

A rocket to the moon- Like we used to

Uncle Kracker- Follow Me

Mumford and Sons- Dustbowl Dance

Give me love- Ed Sheeran

Fun- We are young ft Janelle monae

Maverick Sabre- I need

Gregory and The Hawk- the bolder thing to do

Tay Swift ft the Civil Wars "Safe & Sound"

Macklemore- And we danced

Hannah Magee- Small Bump

Purity Ring- Ungirthed

Josh Pyke- Middle of the HIll

James and Blake & Bon Iver-Fall Creek Boys Choir

Florence and the Machine- I don't wanna know

Florence and the Machine- I don't wanna know you (Mario Winans Cover)

Skrillex -Cinema (Avoustic Version)

Bon iver- Wash 

Conner Youngblood- Monsters

Shake it out- Florence +Machine Cover- Rudi Douglas

No Light, No light- Florence and The Machine Cover

You've got the love- Florence + The Machine cover by Clockwork Zoo

CocoRosie- Werewolf

Neon Hitch- Poisoned With love

The Cinematic Orchestra- Build a home

The Fray- The Frighter

Be Mine- Erik Hassie ft Ellie Goulding ******

Translucent- Lauren Gayle**

Ellie Goulding- Lights 

Emeli Sande ft Lou is Next to me remix

Dauther- YOUTH  

Emiliana Torrini - FireheadsFun. - I Wanna Be The One

Maroon 5- No Curtain Call 

The kooks- Taking pictures of you

fun.- Con

Mumford and Sons- The Cave

Written all over your face- ?

P.S. All of these songs are wonderful, this recommendation liste mainly contains Indie and Soft Rock music. 

Potential Camera

A couple days back i was going through a Teen Vogue Magazine from a think a good amount of years ago. As I was looking through the magazine i came across a camera, with a considerable cost. It's 35mm, half lens, and the pictures taken are of good quality. I then decided to take note of it, so that later i could research further. The camera I want is from a company called Superheadz, the camera only cost 50 dollars ! I am definitely going to pester my parents into getting me this camera seeing as i'm am less likely to get a professional Canon camera than at Superheadz Camera.

Dates to Remember

February 16th, 9.30

we were the rebels

the one who started fights

i even remember the time

we stuck stones down Miss.Kebbler's 

windpipe

we snuck out late at night

and danced to Pink Floyd

only to go home at 5 in the morning

feeling overjoyed 

February 18th, 5.02

i think this time, we over did it

mama's really mad

i herd her on the phone

talking to your dad

i'm hearing many words

but i don't want to believe

that just in a few short days

you'll pack up in leave.

February 20th, 4.05

I can't believe you left me

you laid me here to die

i watched you on the train

i refused to say goodbye

because i knew another day 

would come 

and we would reunite

best rebel forever

i'll sing till you're in sight

February 25th, 4.00

I can't seem to sleep 

all i think of is you

and it finally kicked in

i guess it's really true

you're never coming back 

time will never fly

March 5th, 6.15

every single day 

i sit and wait for you 

that maybe one day 

you'd come out of the blue

and we'd reminisce of good times

that we had shared

and whilst i wait for you

i come to the conclusion

i'm on the pursuit of loneliness

March 10th, 12.01

Today is our fifteenth friend-a-versary 

and i miss you more than ever

maybe it's about time

i wrote you a letter

but i don't know where you are

my parents refuse to tell me

i don't know who you are

maybe you have changed

i hope you haven't forgotten me

or become the least bit sane.

March 18th, 12.30

I wonder what you're doing at this exact moment

maybe you're biting your nails 

like you always  seemed to do 

or picking a fight with little boy 

or playing lovers fight for war two

or maybe you have changed

and you're reading a book

though you were never good at it

i bet you are now

and maybe if you're doing none of that

you're sleeping safe and sound.

March 25th, 2.45

ever since you left me

i've created a permanent frown

the idea that you'll forget me

leaves me feeling down

but maybe one day 

you'd wake up and miss me

and just run back home

and come and kiss me.

April 17th, 5.09

i've decided to forget you

i know you'd want me to

i've decided to move on

just as you did too

i've decided to keep you in my heart

but never will i shed a tear

i wish of you the best

in everything you do

i pray unto the lord

i'll meet you someday.

when the sky is clear and blue.

Hello, this blog was made to express feelings and poetry that i've yet to understand myself. To show you the ways in which i express myself through words, as i grow and develop into something great, I take you on the journey with me. I will hide no feeling in my words, i will express every deepest feeling inside of me. I will, walk naked.