Deepest Feelings

I wanted to take the time and write down my deepest feelings, i've never attempted to share them with others in hope that they'd be able to relate to my situation one way or another, and if not, still be able to accept them. So urr. Right now i feel alone, though my sister is a short distance away i still feel alone. When i am in school i connect with people and conversate but in the end i still feel like only i know my true self and the reason why i am able to conversate with others is because they don't know the real me. Every day i'm down, i feel a smile force itself onto my face as i step into school boundaries because i know i won't be able to hold back that emotion the moment i hear "Are you okay?" I feel they ask as if it's such an easy question, when in reality.. it isn't it's one of the hardest questions I answer on a daily basis, and even if I am okay, that doesn't necessarily mean i am happy, it just means i've compromised, even though i'm smiling i'm close to tears, even though i'm laughing there is no life inside, because i'm falling apart inside. I've never known any other way to deal with my emotions then to hide them from myself, keep them in a far away distance at the deepest part of my brain. I felt and still feel that as far as i can create a wall between my emotions and my day to day life i can make myself believe i'm okay and in that, help people believe so too. I've learned to shield my emotions because the more attention i bring to it, the more aware i am of my loneliness and the blatant fact that i'm all alone in the sea of people.