Brief Writing

The vague smell of cookie dough overwhelms me, I urgently get out of bed and go down the stairs to see what's been prepared, last night was dark and full of regrets, but i'll never tell anyone about it, i'll never mention it to myself, i'll keep a smile on my face, i won't let anyone see these scars on my body, all the pain i've brought upon myself, once i reach the end of the steps i realize my arms aren't covered and run up the stairs to go get my cream colored wool sweater, it's hard to keep a secret when it's written all over your body, Once i finally get to the kitchen I greet Nadija "Morning beautiful" Nadija smiles, I love her smile, it's so alluring, "Morning babe, I made some chocolate chip cookies, you want one?" she asks me, without a reply i stretch my arm forward to collect a cookie, little did i know, i had left the fresh cut from yesterday bare on my palm, "What happened" said Nadija, "Oh, this pffh i was holding a wine bottle at the party and it fell and the glass cut my palm" Nadija nodded, I don't know how long i can keep this up, lying to her, i should tell her i thought, but twice as fast i knew what her reaction would be "i can help you" but no one really can,

He doesn't understand, I know what he's going through, and I don't want to help him, I'm just going to watch him, because i too am going through something similar, after we had finished our breakfast i went to the bathroom, i can't be fat, i don't want to be fat, and then it just happened, it always happens i mean, it's nothing new, Derek doesn't know about it, but it happens, i can't risk the pain of hearing my flaws through another person's mouth, and maybe Derek's love for me, Derek words, the words he says to me "Morning Beautiful" will be enough to make me stop, and just think, i'm beautifully and wonderfully made.